just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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