i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
