Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just cropdusted the office
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
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