I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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