Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
