i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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