Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
