Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
