Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
