It's like God shit irony all over that family
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
