It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
this just has baby written all over it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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