New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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