In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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