just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're a disaster
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