we have pet lesbian snakes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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