He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
