I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
