Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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