Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
