.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
