Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
