she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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