From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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