Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
