I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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