Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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