I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
