Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize