this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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