i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
