does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
