i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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