Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
