My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
