When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
