nut hugger
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
