I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
