so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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