Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We have started to decorate penises.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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