I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
