Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
