Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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