If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize