i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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