The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
