I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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