I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
