He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
