No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
