Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
