oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
