woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
