My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
