guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
