If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
