but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
