yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
