I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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