I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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