What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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