New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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