if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize