Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
