She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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