Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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