She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
