I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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