apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need water and some morals
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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