Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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